Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
