you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
