I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
