Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
