Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
