I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
