I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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