Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
