I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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