i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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