Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
