When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
