Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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