where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
