you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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