Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
