God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
