Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need moral support for this bender
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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