You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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