I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
