Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
