Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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