Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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