well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
