he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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