have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
