glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Vodka?
Forever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
