Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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