i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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