is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
