I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There r osticjed everywhere
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
