Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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