Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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