The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
