there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
