You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
