jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
