Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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