we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
