Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
