??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
