I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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