You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize