If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Someone came in the potted fern
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
