i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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