guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize