Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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