He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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