she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize