you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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