Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
