It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize