I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
