Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
