how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
