everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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