Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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