i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
