well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
