dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
