We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
