hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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