highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
