I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
