Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
