Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize