i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
