Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
