How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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